


Hope is Like the Sun

by bluehawthorn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Sex (Star Wars), Gray Jedi, Gray Jedi Kylo Ren, Healing Sex, Oral Sex, POV Rey, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Stars and Scars, The Force Ships It, This ship is slowly killing me, Vaginal Sex, lots of feels, porn with a bit of plot, sexual healing, space porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-12 23:38:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13558008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluehawthorn/pseuds/bluehawthorn
Summary: The next time the Force connects Rey and Ben after Crait, he surprises her with a revelation.(This explores similar themes to my Axis series but is a one-off in a different timeline).





	Hope is Like the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> I think something that doesn't get talked about enough is the fact that Ben Solo was targeted and essentially abused by Snoke, apparently from the time he was quite young. His story reads in some ways, as being about trauma. 
> 
> And something that agonizes me about TLJ is that when Ben is close to finding his way to the Light (which could be read as healing from trauma), Rey turns away from him so quickly. He manages to transition pretty quickly from being conflicted to literally killing his abuser (who he had also seen as his mentor/father figure) but then he can't follow her fast enough to changing the whole trajectory of his life. How could he? 
> 
> I'm glad in many ways that she didn't try to "save him" any more than she did as it would have played into sexist tropes. But still, I wish Rey had given him a minute more to process everything after Snoke. She didn't, because it wouldn't have made for the dramatic tension the movie needed, so instead I decided to write a redemption/healing arc that follows the end of TLJ. Because I needed it. Maybe you do too?

That familiar shift in the Force pulses through the room, and adrenaline spikes through her. She spins on the ball of her foot and there he is, his presence immediately sucking all the air from the room. She had wondered when this would happen again; had hoped it never would.

He is sitting down, right in the center of her bedchamber. She can't see anything of his surroundings except the surface he's sitting on. It looks like a black bench, shiny and sleek.

There is nowhere she can move to that is more than a few feet away from him. She decides to stay where she is, preferring to be standing over him for this. She is already breathing heavily, braced for whatever comes next.

His long body is curved forward. One of his arms is resting on his thigh and with the other he scrubs a hand through his hair and over his face, sighing. "Of course it would be now."

"Oh I'm sorry, am I inconveniencing you? After you tried to kill everyone I care about?"

He doesn't speak right away, but when he does, his voice is low and sad. "I'm sorry Rey. I'm....very ashamed of what I did. Of all of it."

She sucks in a breath, unbalanced. She didn't expect an apology. Not after she left him lying on Snoke's throne room floor, not after his attack on Crait.

His dark features are full of the quiet anguish she's seen there before. _No wonder he wore a mask _, she thinks. It must be hard to play the villain when your emotions are written all over your face.__

____

__

She struggles to steel herself against it, but that part of her that mirrors him - that understands the loss and loneliness that wells in his eyes all too much - resonates through her like a cave echo. It makes her angrier.

"I gave you a chance, to turn back. You came so close and then your hunger for power overtook you and here we are!"

And just like that, like kindling catching a spark, he's angry too. "It wasn't like that! I offered you...."

He chokes back his words and takes a deep shaking breath, continuing with more control. "To be fair, you didn't give me much of a chance. I had just killed my...I had just killed Snoke."

"Yes, and it gave me so much hope." She spits at him. "And then you asked me to join you. As if I could just suddenly come over to the Dark Side. I could never...I'm not like you!"

She feels a savage little twinge of satisfaction when he winces, his eyes showing how much her words wound him. _Good. He should hurt after what he did. ___

____

____

His words when he speaks again are slow and careful. "I wasn't asking you to join me on the Dark Side. I thought we could build something new."

"By letting my friends die. Letting your mother die."

His voice raises again. "Yes. I was wrong!" His eyes plead with her to understand. "I see that now. I...couldn't then."

His eyes linger on her face. "Rey..." She hates hearing her name in his mouth, hates the way it makes her feel. How it makes her ache.

He is still gazing up at her and she wishes he'd look away. She starts to pace, wanting a reason not to look back.

He watches her for a few moments and then says, "I know I don't deserve anything from you, but I'm asking anyways...will you just listen?"

Her chest is heaving and it hurts. Tears are already pricking at her eyes. She wants to push him onto the ground, she wants to batter her fists against his chest, she wants...

She doesn't kriffing know what she wants. She sits down angrily on the edge of her bed and folds her arms over her chest. "Fine," she says. "Say what you want to say."

He looks grateful, nodding slowly. He draws in another long, deep breath before he begins. 

"When you told me that I wasn't alone, I believed you. But I've always been alone, or at least felt it, except for Snoke's presence in my mind. This was new territory. It...frightened me.

When you left me there, in the throne room, I thought it was a sign that I still belonged to the Dark Side. It was easier to think that, because the thought of leaving everything behind...

I thought if I could snuff out the Resistance... I was so hurt, so angry. I had tried to do the right thing, and it had only gotten me left alone, again. I wanted to destroy something.

When I saw you, in The Falcon on Crait - Force, I hated that ship. Do you know how many times my father left on that ship, Rey?

And suddenly Luke was there too and all the old anger came flooding back and it was....easier somehow. Familiar.

Like Han Solo, I saw that Luke didn't hate me back, even after all I'd done. He was just...sorry. It made me want to kill him even more. But I couldn't. He was gone.

And then you escaped, taking everyone with you, and there was nothing. No anger, no hatred. I just felt empty."

Why was he telling her this? It was just making her angrier. So much death and destruction. _For what? _"Because you didn't get what you wanted."__

____

____

"No...because it wasn't what I wanted." His eyes are searching her face, trying to see if she believes him. She continues to scowl, trying not to reveal anything.

"It never was. Not really. Snoke convinced me it was. The longer his influence is gone from me, the more clearly I can see things. Including what he did to me. He was in my mind from the time I was a child. Twisting it."

"You say you were alone but you had parents! Family! People who loved you..." She never had that. He did and he threw it all away.

"I had a father who wanted to be a racer, a smuggler, a Resistance hero. He wasn't all that interested in being a father, and didn't have much time for it. For me.

My mother...she tried. But she was a princess and a senator and a general, with the weight of the Galaxy on her shoulders. She sent me to Luke, like I was a mission to delegate. And Luke, he was a Jedi Master, distant and remote.

By that time Snoke had convinced me that I belonged with him, following in my grandfather's footsteps. I believed him. It gave me purpose."

His voice is tinged with bitterness, but mostly it is just heavy with sorrow and remorse. He looks down at his hands, which are folded in his lap, and stays this way for a few moments. When he looks back at her his face is solemn and his eyes are soft.

"I contacted my mother. Today. I gave her everything I could - everything she'll need to undermine the First Order."

She looks at him in surprise, trying to see if he's telling the truth. There is no artifice or manipulation in him that she can see.

"I'm leaving. She knows of a place I can go. A healing colony. It's location is guarded carefully amongst Force Users. I can disappear for a while, get the help I need."

Her shock deepens. "A healing colony?"

"It's run by Gray Jedi. They teach balance in the Force. How to use both the Dark and the Light without being overtaken by the Dark Side but also without needing to walk a more rigid Jedi path. It has worked before...for people like me."

"You're...leaving? The First Order. Won't they come after you?"

He shakes his head. "They won't. They fear me enough to let me be. And the Generals will be happy to be free of me. But just in case, I intend to be very careful that they cannot find me for now."

She is uncomfortable, confused, too big for her own skin. She doesn't know how to process this new information. Her gaze keeps flitting to him and away as she tries.

He looks back at her calmly, resigned, as though waiting for her judgment. She doesn't want to be drawn in again, but she can't help the little flare of hope growing inside her. Eventually she succumbs to it.

"What _do _you want?" she asks, staring at him. He looks back at her, puzzled.__

____

____

"Before, you said that after Crait you realized your grandfather's path, being Supreme Leader, destroying the Resistance...that it wasn't what you wanted. What _do _you want?"__

____

____

His eyes fall to the floor and then rise, hooded, back to her face. His full lips are pressed together and his nostrils flare. His eyes look wet. She is still angry but his vulnerability makes her melt, just a little.

Eventually he says, "Honestly, I'm not sure."

She thinks that is all he will say but a few beats later, he finishes, his voice husky. "The only thing that I know I want for sure is you."

She flinches away before she can catch herself. He sees it and his hands reach out in a gesture of harmlessness.

"Don't. Please don't do that. I don't expect anything. I just...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

They're silent for a while, both considering the other. She doesn't trust herself to speak, different parts of her warring with one another.

He leans forward and wipes a tear from her cheek. She hadn't realized she was crying. His touch feels like an electrical burn on her skin.

"I just...thought you should know. I know you can't want me back in the same way." It's nearly a whisper when he says it, but it cuts right through her.

Her mind whirls, but then suddenly it settles. She decides to throw caution out the airlock. If he's brave enough to be this honest, then she may as well be too.

"But that's the thing Ben. I do. And it shames me because after all you've done there's still this connection between us and I hate it!"

He's the one who flinches this time. But then he nods. "I understand. But I can't control this. We're likely to still see each other. I wish I could leave you alone in peace but I can't."

It's like he didn't even hear the first part of what she said. Like he couldn't possibly imagine that she feels anything for him. She thinks for a moment of leaving it, taking the chance to undo what she's said. Instead, she forges ahead and spells it out for him.

"I don't just mean the Force connection. I mean between us."

He is still looking at her blankly. Her body is full of agitation now and she stands, pacing back and forth a few times before she turns to face him.

"I...do you think I would have come to you on the Supremacy had I not felt something? I risked my life. I fought by your side. You weren't the only one hurt! I had to leave you, unconscious on the floor. That wasn't easy to do...not after everything."

What she's saying is dawning on him now, and his face is full of a pained kind of hope. She feels another surge of doubt, but continues, "I wanted...well I'm not sure what I wanted, but it wasn't that."

She sits again, not knowing what to do with her limbs. Part of her wants to climb onto his lap, to take comfort in him. Part of her wants to run away. Part of her wants to punch him. 

To distract herself and buy time to breathe, she says, "The Force. It's never connected us this long before."

"I think it has a purpose each time, and it only finishes when that purpose has been met."

"So what is the purpose this time?" she asks.

He shrugs, just a tiny movement of his wide shoulders. And then, he slowly holds out his hands.

The gesture is tentative, delicate like a flower unfurling after a rare desert rain. They're not fully outstretched - his arms lie along his thighs, both hands palm upwards and extended just beyond his knees.

She stays very still, looking at them. This is the third time he's reached a hand out to her, and she knows that each time it's cost him great courage.

It registers for the first time that he's not wearing his gloves. Nor his cape or cowl. He's in a simple unbelted black tunic and pants. It makes him look younger somehow.

"Ben, I can't..."

"I know," he says.

She nods, and they look into each other's faces as she reaches out with her hands, and he stretches his further towards her and they meet somewhere in the middle. She places hers palm down in his, which are warm and dry.

His fingertips press into her wrists and he rubs his thumbs over her skin in small circles. Such a small touch shouldn't make her breathless but it does.

He sees the effect it has on her, watches her lips part with that still, precise focus he has. "Rey?" he asks as though asking if it's alright to continue. She's not sure if it is but she doesn't want him to let go of her.

Whatever he reads from her must make him braver, because he goes down on his knees in front of her. Their hands fall away from each other and his go to the tops of his knees.

He's so close now she can feel the heat off his body. He reaches up and pushes a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

His nearness makes her feel overwhelmed and she struggles to keep looking at him, her body wanting to turn away from the intensity of his gaze. But she does and she watches as his face grows darker with some kind of conflict. He seems to master it and make a decision. A moment later he slowly reaches out and encircles her in his arms, putting his head down gently in her lap.

She freezes, surprised. Her first response is to stop him, to push him away, but she doesn't really want to. Instead, she reaches out and puts her hands on his head, winds them through his hair. This is something she's always wanted to do. Even when she truly hated and feared him, she still felt drawn to him somehow, had wanted to touch him.

He lets out a shuddering breath as though of relief. He turns his head even more to the side and she strokes along his temple and back, into his dark curls. His hair is soft and clean.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you," she says, and her voice sounds strained.

"I wouldn't deserve it anyway." He raises his head and looks at her. "I hope to one day."

"You're really leaving?"

"Yes," he replies. "Tomorrow. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"And you're really going to try to heal?"

"Yes," he says, his voice full of conviction.

Now she knows she's crying. Tears stream hot down her face.

"I really am sorry. If I could take it all back I would."

"You can't."

"I know. I know I can't. All I can do is try to do some good to balance the harm I've done, even if all I'm capable of is disappearing. At least I won't do any further harm."

"You've already done more than that, if what you say is true. You will have given your mother back her hope and she in turn will spread that hope through the galaxy."

He shakes his head. "No. What I've given her is nothing in comparison to what I've taken from her."

She can't disagree. They sit in silence for a while, no longer touching, her sitting on the edge of the bed and him kneeling on the floor.

She's always been able to see Ben Solo underneath Kylo Ren. Even when she didn't know who he truly was she'd still felt his conflict, since that first time in the interrogation room when she saw him without his mask. But now, here in this moment, it's all she can see. 

"Ben? The eyes that look back at her are not as dark as she once thought but a radiant golden brown in whatever light he's in, wherever he is.

Her anger isn't gone but it's dormant for now. Right now she feels tenderness, and a deeper current of something else she doesn't have a name for. Giving in to it, curious, she cups the side of his face in her hand and leans forward to press their lips together.

He stills for a moment as if in shock, but then suddenly he is rising up on his knees until he is the same height as her. His hand goes around back of her head and he is deepening the kiss, his tongue sweeping into her mouth, her bottom lip catching between his.

Her thighs are braced on either side of him and she can't help but tighten their grip around him. He leans into her and begins kissing her neck, soft open-mouth kisses that are hot and dizzying. He nuzzles her ear, breathing her name into it.

Her head falls back and arousal jolts through her. She can feel herself growing wet and pliant.

It's too fast. It panics her. She pushes him away. He immediately drops his hands and looks at her, his face full of apology.

It's not what she meant, for him to be sorry. She had been the one to initiate the kiss in the first place. She just...needs a moment.

"If we...if we do this..." What is she trying to say? She can't think clearly, her lips and neck still burning from the aftermath of his kisses.

She steadies herself, tries again. "If we are together like this, we could both get hurt again."

He nods, that miniscule movement of his head that is so expressive while his expression changes so little. His head bows and he gazes down at the floor. He looks as if he is trying to master his disappointment, not to let her see it.

Again, it's not what she means. "I'm willing to risk it if you are."

His head snaps back up to look at her, his eyes sparking with hope again.

"I just need you to promise me, that you'll try to follow this through. And I need you to know that if you don't, if I need to fight you, I won't hold back. I'm not letting you hurt anyone else."

"Yes. I promise and yes."

She reaches for him and his arms go around her. He lifts her up like she weighs nothing as he stands and then lowers them both back down on the bed so that he's on top of her.

His weight on her is one of the most perfect things she's ever felt. He leans down to kiss her again and it is slow this time but thorough. His lips and tongue ignite a flame in her belly, and something liquid and honeyed begins to spread through her limbs.

He stops for a moment and looks down at her with wonder written across his features. His expressive eyes are looking at her like she is something precious and unexpected.

All of this is unexpected, to be sure. But it also makes a kind of sense. They are in a similar place, both of their lives violently uprooted in a short time. They understand each other in a way. Their powers, their lonely histories, their drivenness and determination - there is much that they share.

He is kissing her again. Her arms go around his neck and his hand is on her hip, running up her thigh. She can feel his hardness where it rests between her legs. She arches into it and there is a low rumbling sound in his throat as he pushes back and his kisses grow harder, more fevered.

She tugs at his tunic. He understands what she wants and reaches back to grab a handful of it, pulling it over his head and tossing it on the floor, where for her it disappears. She takes a moment to wonder about where he is, where this is happening for him. Now that he's in her bed, all she sees is his body.

And what a body it is, sculpted by training and battle. She's seen him without a shirt before, but she still marvels at the expanse of him, all muscle and supple skin covered in scars. She runs her hands over his chest, his shoulders, his back.

He slows down and lets her explore him. This is pretty new terrain for her, and it's as though he knows that and wants to give her time.

She hesitates at the scar she gave him, traces it along his face and neck, lower across his sternum. They have been so many things to each other already. Each had a kind of intimacy to them, if some of them more pleasant than others. They had marked each other indelibly in different ways. This would just be one more.

He sees the emotion on her face and one of his hands comes up to cover hers where it rests on his chest. He leans down and drags his lips gently along her jaw.

"Are you alright?" he asks quietly. "Do you want to stop?"

She smiles at the fact that he would ask, but shakes her head. "No. I want you to undress me." She needs to feel more of her skin against more of his.

He obliges, slowly, taking the time to slip her from each of her layers. He is so serious, so focused, that it lends the moment a kind of gravity. It adds to her excitement, the way that he looks at her, the way that everything he does to her is with such emotion and intent. There is something about it that is both raw and refined at the same time.

He massages her with his strong hands as he reveals each part of her body in turn, leaning down to kiss sensitive places now and then, making her jump and shiver: the crook of her elbow, the inside of her wrist, the hollow of her collarbone, the indent of her navel.

When she is fully undressed he looks at her with a yearning that feels like it passes right into the core of her and unspools there. She pulls him down onto her and wraps her arms and legs around him, kissing him hungrily, moaning as his hands continue to roam over her bare skin.

He scoops an arm underneath her and pulls them up so that he is kneeling on the bed and she is astride him. It allows him to kiss and and caress even more of her. Her whole body hums with pleasure from his attentions.

His pants are still on but she is naked on his lap. His hands are cupping her breasts, his calloused thumbs brushing over her nipples. She grinds herself against his erection, trying to find friction with the other parts of her that are beginning to cry for attention. 

He groans and pulls back a little. "Rey..."

She hears the caution in his voice and doesn't want it to stop him. Stop them. She just wants them to have this, after everything they've been through. "Please Ben."

"Are you sure?" His voice is even deeper than usual, laced through with desire. The sound of it makes her need him even more.

"Yes," she says, tangling her hands in his hair, kissing him and biting his lip.

He groans again and for a moment his urgency overtakes him and he is riding against her. His hands spread across her back and he is licking up the column of her throat.

He regains control of himself all too quickly though. "Wait." He peels her back from him so he can look at her. "Have you done this before?"

"Once," she says, kissing him again.

"Good," he says against her mouth. "You'll have to find a med droid after. To be safe."

She nods. She knows what to do.

He lifts her pelvis and pulls it toward him so that she falls back on the bed. He's still kneeling and her legs are open to either side of him. She should feel exposed but all she feels is ready for him.

He slowly undoes the clasps on his pants and pulls them off, coming back to the same position. He hovers over her for a moment, and she takes in the sight of him. He is beautiful, all of him.

She opens her arms and he lowers himself into them. She reaches down between them and takes him in her hand. His cock is warm and heavy as she guides it into her.

When he breaches her, she can't help but gasp at the fullness of it. Radiant, thick waves of pleasure ripple out from her pelvis into her belly and legs.

He on the other hand does not look as relaxed. His head and shoulders are bowed, his muscles tensed, and she can feel the shuddering breaths he's taking next to her ear. When she guides his face up to look at her, his face is a wreck of emotion.

She strokes her hands over his back, his neck, his hair, trying to soothe him. He seems to calm, his breath steadying. He kisses her softly as he begins to move inside her.

He lays his body down on top of hers so that his weight pushes her into the bed. His head eases down into the crook of her neck. He begins fucking her, slowly, rolling his hips against her. 

She moans, her fingers digging into his back. She moves with him and she can feel the moment he begins to lose his self-control. His thrusts deepen and energy courses through her like the trails of colour left by stars as they pass by in hyperspeed.

He pulls back just far enough to lift her leg and drape it over his shoulder. It brings him even deeper into her and she cries out. He turns his head to kiss her knee and then leans into her so that their chests and stomachs are pressed together. She can feel the muscles moving beneath his skin as he pushes into her again and again.

It's almost too much but she breathes, letting the intensity of it keen through her. His forehead is resting against hers. Everything falls away - the looming war, all the hurt and turmoil of the last few weeks, even the excitement of training and discovering her powers. Right now, there is nothing but Ben and the fire trailing through every nerve.

It goes on for what seems like forever, but she can't be sure because she feels timeless, delirious, lost. Their bodies move together like something between fighting and dancing, fierce and beautiful.

He leans down to kiss her again and then pulls out of her so suddenly that she makes an involuntary noise, bereft. Just as suddenly he is moving down her body and his mouth is on her. She has to grab fistfuls of his hair just to keep herself from splintering apart, to ground herself in her body as the sensation threatens to sweep her away.

"Oh Force. Ben!"

He growls in response, sucking at her clit, slipping one finger into her and then two. Her back arches off the bed and she is crying out louder and louder. The pleasure of it is bright and sharp.

Something is cresting in her, building like a sandstorm, unstoppable. He has her hips in his hands, pulling her pussy against his face, burying himself in her. Her muscles are clenching and his tongue is like a flame against her.

Just as she starts to peak, he pulls away again, leaving her trembling in his wake. He climbs swiftly up her body and plunges back into her. It drives her pleasure to a whole new pitch.

One thrust, two, three and she is coming, her body growing taught and throbbing with release. Heat radiates out through her bones and saturates her with light. A sound like a sob is torn from her throat.

He is holding onto her tightly, still fucking her as she bucks under him. A few more strokes and she watches his face break as he too is wracked by climax. The feel and sight of his orgasm fills her with a reckless kind of joy. 

She is gulping in air, her body covered with a sheen of sweat. He collapses onto her and she enfolds him in her arms, both of them shaking. They lay like that for a long time as their bodies calm.

"Thank you," he says eventually, breaking the prolonged silence. His voice is nearly hoarse. It seems like a strange thing to say, like she has given him something rather than them doing this together, but she leaves it be.

He rises up, supporting himself on one arm and looking down at her. "I feel stronger. Ready for what's to come."

This, she understands. She nods an acknowledgement, gently pushing his hair away from his face. "Me too. In case the Force separates us, good luck. Be safe."

"You too. Please be careful Rey. I may be leaving, but the war isn't over. It may well just be starting." He looks thoughtful. "Hmmmm, maybe what Luke said is true. The Resistance likely will be reborn with you and my mother together at its helm. Are you planning to become a Jedi?"

She smiles. She doesn't quite understand what he's saying, but she doesn't really care in the warm afterglow of their coupling. "Not sure. For now, my only plan is to lie here and enjoy being with you until the Force stops connecting us."

"Good plan," he says. She can't even fathom it, but he's smiling. It transforms him, and she can't resist skimming her fingers over his brow, his cheek, his jaw. The smile fades but it doesn't disappear as he looks down at her, drinking her in.

Eventually, he lays back down, drawing her close along his side. She rests her head on his shoulder, her arm flung across his belly. She can feel his heart beating, the rise and fall of his chest. He's so big beside her, so warm.

They're likely half a galaxy away from each other but it all feels so real. Despite all she's learned about the Force these last weeks, she can't help but be in awe of it. It makes her feel as though anything might be possible.

She remembers something Leia told her, on the Falcon as they were leaving Crait and she was despairing that so little was left of the Resistance. _"Hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you can see it, you'll never make it through the night." ___

____

____

It had been a long night, since she had to leave him on the Supremacy while it burned. She'd almost lost hope. 

She'd try to never make that mistake again, no matter how dark it got. Just when she thought it would never come, here was sunrise, sweet and sure.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments welcomed and appreciated. I own nothing related to Star Wars and make no money from this.


End file.
